Moving a Senior Parent: 10 Tips for a Safe, Successful Move

Mov-ing (verb): to go from one place of residence to another. Mov-ing (adjective): stirring deeply in a way that evokes a strong emotional response.

What is the first thing you think about when someone mentions they will be "moving"? Is it congratulations? Usually midway through the hassle of packing we find we need help with moving. Whether you are planning to move your senior parent from the family home to assisted living, from one assisted living situation to another, or across town, moving comes with a host of attendant stressors, sacrifices, and obstacles. In addition, if there are health issues related to your loved one, moving can be twice as difficult.

Below, we look at how to tell when it is time to move, how to cope with the emotions that come with it, and ten tips to help you move your senior parent safely and successfully.

Is It Time to Move?

It is difficult to figure out when it is time to move, especially when you leave a place you love. Memories have been made and you have made a comfortable existence in these homes. Leaving good neighbors, friends and activities that you have grown accustomed to, plus the cost, the effort and the unknown: change can be overwhelming. Change is never easy, but there are steps that can help.

How often do seniors move? Here is what the research shows:

• Retirement: A study found that more than half of retirees don't move from the homes they lived in when they were in their early 50s. About a fifth move around the time of retirement, and the rest move only when their health requires it.
• Age: A larger proportion of the oldest old population move than those between the ages of 65 and 84. More than 3 million adults over the age of 65 move every year. This is related to care needs and facilities.
• Downsizing: Downsizing can become an option once children have left the home. Studies show that people often start considering downsizing when they are in their late 50s or early 60s.

Some Reasons Seniors Move

• Closer to friends and family
• Enjoy a better quality of life
• Access to senior-centric activities or employment

Get together with your spouse, partner or family members and be informed on all that is involved with the cost of moving, from new utilities in the new home to the new taxes, HOA fees, water, electricity or other costs. Zillow can help with a historic snapshot of the property you are looking at. Check into the schools in the area; good schools typically mean good neighborhoods and amenities. Check your family members' commute times to different activities, including shopping, the bank or community centers. Get online and check out the social media for the area and join community blogs or whatever social media you enjoy using.

Moving Is So Much More Than a Physical Transition

Basically, we all need help with moving and the stress of moving, no matter what age. Just mentioning the idea of moving can elicit a mix of emotions from people. There may be the sadness of leaving the home that they love and have enjoyed for many years, or the excitement of a new life. Separation caused by moving away from friends and family can also cause anxious feelings. Other feelings include looking forward to starting over, developing new friendships, and discovering a different and exciting area. This grab bag of emotions makes moving so much more than a physical transition. There is so much physical work required to move a household from one place to another that we often overlook the emotional part of transitions.

Psychologists say that moving can be one of the most stressful events in life. The moving process involves many decisions and changes throughout the transition stages. Moving challenges relationships between the people involved. Priorities are often reevaluated before and during the moving process, and sometimes after the move is completed. Moving is demanding on time and can pull you away from the things you desire or are accustomed to.

Some residential moves are not by choice but rather out of necessity. Life events like divorce, death, job change, health or financial crisis can necessitate a move, even when the resident isn't emotionally ready or fully on board. Something to watch for: when a move is essential, the stress and emotions involved increase all the more.

How Can I Cope With Moving?

• It is important to take time during the busy moving time to acknowledge and name the various emotions and feelings of all those involved in this process.
• Talking about concerns and positives can relieve some of the anxiety as well as help others understand your thoughts and actions.

10 Tips for Moving Your Senior Parent Safely and Successfully

You have a chosen facility! Now it is time to get ready to move. These ten tips will help you manage emotions during the transition and enjoy a successful move.

1. Start the Process as Early as Possible

If you have time to prepare your senior parent for moving, then half your work is complete. Many of us feel a sense of urgency once the decision has been made to move our senior parent. If safety is an issue, act on that sense of urgency. But if you have time to carefully plan and ease all parties involved into the idea and process of moving, it's generally best to take advantage of getting ready to move with proper planning.

2. Be Kind and Respectful but Firm During the Culling Process

Most moves necessitate a culling of objects and household items. This is especially so if the transition is from a family home to assisted living. This culling process can be extremely challenging and fraught with emotional pitfalls. After all, each and every object in the home may be infused with symbolic emotional power. Try to remain kind and respectful as you help your parent decide where things go. Items may be sorted into three groups:

• Things to keep
• Redistribute to family and friends
• Items to donate to charity

Ready to go? Start with decluttering and downsizing. We've compiled a checklist for seniors downsizing to help you sort through your important papers, update documents and coordinate the move. For hands-on help, you can also reach out to our friends at NW Organizing Solutions.

3. Get as Many Friends and Family Members Involved as Possible

Moving Mom or Dad can be extremely stressful, so be sure to get all the help you can. It will help you to maintain your sanity, and provide a positive influence for your parent, surrounding them with the support of friends and family. Watch out for baggage, though; this is not the time for airing grievances or unpacking old disputes. If they can't bring support and love to the move without everything else, it's best for those family members or long-time friends to stay at home.

4. Manage Your Feelings and Stress First

You may feel compelled to manage your parent's grief, stress, and anger first, before your own. This is a mistake. You can't help anyone else to cope with difficult feelings unless you've had the time and energy to take care of yourself first.

5. Take the Move Step by Step

Take the packing and culling portions of the move as slowly as the situation will allow. If possible, cull and pack one room at a time, beginning with the least emotionally impacting area of the house, and working up to the more difficult ones.

6. Set a Firm Date Well in Advance

Setting a solid move date well in advance can help some senior parents prepare mentally and emotionally for the big day. This can help you keep resistance to a minimum.

7. Hire Professionals to Handle the Heavy Lifting

On the day of the big move, your focus should be on your parent and their transition to an elder care facility, and not on the logistics of moving furniture and heavy boxes.

8. Consider Removing Yourself and Your Senior Parent

Consider making the move day a vacation day away from the move itself. Take your parent to visit friends and family, or out for a favorite activity while the majority of the move is taking place. Be careful not to spend too much time away, though; this could make the transition unnecessarily abrupt for some seniors.

9. Stay Upbeat, Kind, and Positive During Unpacking

The move doesn't end once the boxes have been taken off the truck. Try to stay upbeat and kind during the unpacking and settling, and make the transition happen in phases whenever possible.

10. Encourage Easing Into the New Surroundings Over Time

Check in more frequently than you normally would with your senior parent in the weeks that follow the move. Encourage them to ease into their new surroundings and try to find the positive aspects generated by the move.

Shifting Your Focus to the Joy of Moving

It is helpful to shift your focus to what lies ahead. Try focusing on what you are gaining. For example, however hard it may be to leave the large house you have been in for many years, think about how easy it will be to care for your new smaller space. Look for the positives and make those your emphasis.

Remember, no one is perfect, and the older we get, the more set in our ways we become. This applies to both you and your senior parent, and times can be trying when you're attempting a move to a new facility. Try to manage your emotions around the move and strategize and plan for the best move possible. The next time you hear the word "moving," remember that it's so much more than just the physical act. Take time to reflect on those feelings, take it step by step, and strive to make your move a happy one.

Helpful Resources

• Find Care Facilities for Your Loved One
• How Downsizing Can Benefit Your Senior Loved One
• HUD information for senior citizens, including assistance with senior housing
• Find affordable housing through the State of Oregon
• Long term care planning with our friends at ACL
• How Oregon defines activities of daily living (ADLs) for long term care

Ready to Find the Right New Home?

If your senior loved one has the project of downsizing completed and is all ready for a big move, great work! Golden Placement Services takes care of the leg work for finding the right new home for Mom or Dad, at no cost to your family. Call us at 503-723-7145 or contact us today.