Death of a Spouse and Dealing With Grief
If an elderly loved one in your life has recently lost their spouse, trying to find the right words to comfort them can be an overwhelming responsibility. Death of a spouse is a personal time. Sometimes just being there is all you need to do. No words.
Get to the bottom of this post for one of my favorite videos on empathizing.
Symptoms of grief can mimic those of clinical depression, and there have been studies saying that grief actually weakens the immune system, especially in the elderly. With this in mind, watching a loved one mourn can be worrisome and stressful, and it is important to do your best in supporting that person throughout this difficult time. Everyone grieves in a different way, and every person copes with the loss of a dear person according to their own timeline. Therefore, if one of these suggestions isn’t the right one for the moment, move on and try another. And remember, it is valuable just to be present when helping a senior loved one to deal with the grief associated with the loss of a spouse.
Be Patient When a Spouse Has Passed Away
Grief lasts longer than the time we spend at the funeral. For some, it can be easy to put on a brave face when surrounded by loved ones at the funeral or organizing arrangements. But once the phone has stopped ringing, and a senior settles into their new routine, this is often when reality hits. They may not be ready to sit and talk about their loss, or they may continue to deny that they are really grieving. But, it is important to remain conscious of their feelings, to be available, and to be patient. Especially if they don’t seem to be making improvements quickly.
Offer Options for Support
Some people benefit from sharing their feelings of loss with others. If your elderly loved one expresses a desire to talk, the best thing you can do is listen. Create an atmosphere where you are clearly open to whatever your loved one needs, whether it be discussing feelings of loneliness or fondly reminiscing on brighter days. If your loved one seems hesitant to speak with you, or feels that you can’t possibly fathom their loss, guide them to other available resources. Grief support groups can be invaluable to those who need to talk with someone who has experienced the same devastation. For those not comfortable in a group setting, individual counseling may benefit them instead. If this is the case, these links can help you find a grief support group near me or find a grief therapist.
Be Available for Your Senior Loved One
It can be instinctual to seclude oneself after a loss so enormous. Many seniors say that loneliness is the most prevalent feeling they experience after the loss of a spouse. Because of this, open-ended offers like, “let me know if you need something,” may often be ineffective. At a time of severe mourning, they need everything. Suggest that the two of you go for a walk or join them for a meal – start a weekly tradition so there is something to look forward to each week. Your loved one may not reach out for help, but you must try to be accessible in their life. The goal isn’t always to discuss the loss, just to be present.
Try to Discourage Major Changes
Devastating loss can trigger impulsive decision-making in many people. They may decide to get rid of their lost one’s things, move into a different home, or act outside their normal characteristics. One should try not to make any major changes in the time immediately after a loss. Instead, tell them you understand why they may feel that way, offer to discuss the options, and help with further research, but perhaps the changes they are considering will be better suited for a later time. There is no way to predict how an elderly loved one will cope with losing a spouse. Since every relationship is unique, each healing process will be unique as well. Many widows and widowers are struck with feelings of guilt about surviving, or of healing and being happy once more. But, the lost one wouldn’t want their spouse to sit and be miserable for the rest of their days. Remind them that it is okay to grieve, and it is also okay to be happy again when they are ready.
Resources to help Mom and Dad from Golden Placements:
Golden Placements helps you manage resources and takes care of the leg work. We offer resources for finding your best living situation so you can enjoy your best Golden Years. GPS has ideas gathered over years of experience by being Senior Life Specialists. Portland Senior Living and their various options from our Golden Girls specialists are IS NO COST.- You can call us today or continue to read more about Long Term Care Planning with our friends at ACL
- Oregon Defines and Describes ADLs for us legally here: Long Term Care
- Golden Placements RESOURCES to find CARE Services
- Quality locations for you Senior Loved One with the Golden Girls
- Senior Living Near Me – Adult Home Placement
- Explore Residential Care Homes for Elderly “near me”
Diane Delaney, Placement Specialist Extraordinaire

Delaney is the founder of Golden Placement Services. She began this business with a healthy dose of compassion for helping families make educated decisions regarding senior placement. Focused to relieve stress in uncertain senior housing crucial moments. Diane brings about loving change of lifestyle with grace. Additionally, Diane is an accomplished executive manager, Director of Operations in senior housing. Emphatically, she enjoys sharing her experience. Diane enjoys writing about the full spectrum of the transition process for seniors and family members. Read more from Senior Placement Specialist Diane: Ultimate Senior Living Resource Guide >>
Stephanie Brubaker, Senior Placement Specialist

steph.goldenplacements@gmail.com | 971-263-8533 Stephanie got her start working as an administrator for Golden Placement Services. It served her well as she worked in sales and marketing while living in Austin, TX. Now that she is back in Oregon she’s excited to take the plunge and work alongside the Golden Girls as a placement specialist. She feels lucky to receive her training from experienced mentors, her mother Diane, and co-worker LaVona. Stephanie looks forward to being a part of the family whose main objective is to help your family through senior housing options with empathy, integrity, and compassion.
Gwenn McNeal2023-03-09 Golden Placement Services answered! It’s really difficult to have to place an aging parent into a facility, but our family knew it was time. So I did some research, called 15 facilities, and managed to get on one wait list. I also called two companies that assist with finding homes, and they said they could not help. We were concerned we wouldn’t find a place, and if we did, it could be a very poor choice for our dad. Then I was given Golden Placement Services phone number and I spoke with a lovely woman named LaVona. That’s when everything changed! LaVona listened to our family’s needs, was understanding, and within days, she had arranged places for us to visit. How she found them, I don’t know, but she did! She met us there, listened some more, answered questions, and offered sage advice. We will forever be grateful for Golden Placement Services help in making this very tough decision. We absolutely know that my dad is in the right place to spend the rest of his life. And, we wouldn’t have that assurance today, had we not been connected with their wonderful service! They have blessed us greatly and we are sharing their information with others we know who are going through the same process. Maureen S.2022-10-18 Our family is so grateful for Diane and her company. They have helped us, two times find placements for our family members. We are now working now to find a great situation for another elderly family member.. Best thing, THEY CARE about each client and their wellbeing... THANK YOU, Diane Addison Inman2019-05-31 What a great resource for seniors in this area. Great, honest work. Very knowledgeable. Denise R2013-03-23 They were very helpful and while being professional, kind and caring. They were thorough in trying to find the best arrangement for our situation and followed-up to make sure client's new arrangements were satisfactory. I highly recommend them.